How to Procrastinate

Exams coming up, am I right? No? Ah, must just be a 3,000 word essay, no big thing. Not that either? Damn, you lucky thing. But you know what I mean. When you have something to do, something quite important, which what's more will undeniably improve your life by completing it, and you just can't do it.

Well, I am here to aid that process.

No, really. In my view you should treat procrastination like a teenager determined to be a rebel. The more you make it clear that the teenager can drink in moderation in it or it's friend's house, or can have sex as long as it's safe, the less the teenager will do it just to defy you. In the same way, give in to your procrastination, and soon it'll stop pestering you.

So, procrastination tips. Here we go...

1. Keep trying. Be honest with yourself, have you written the title of your essay/centre of the first spider diagram and grown bored? Don't give up straight away, or that teenager will just drink itself to death. Give it a bit of discipline. Try and keep going for a bit longer, please.
2. Realise that you're no longer productive. You're straying again and again onto Youtube/twitter/tumblr/facebook and just not concentrating. I advise you to stop trying. Give in to the whiny brat. Recognise that it is break-time.
3. Have a break. TIME IT. Make it count. Go outside; grab something to eat (You deserve it - you've written a whole title after all); interact (properly, I mean like face-to-face) with someone. Take your mind off your work.
4. Find an outlet. I find that when all hope is lost, running will rekindle it. I'm yawning, I'm losing all faith in the subject I study, I don't think the high I get from the production is worth the work that has to go into these lines. When running, you don't have to look good, your legs will be moving too fast for anyone to see if they're shaved or not (probably...), and it's real me time. Alone with my thoughts, a stitch in my side, determined not to stop no matter the cost. A better motivator to realise that doing my work IS worth it in the end, I have not found.

So, you return, refreshed and ready and raring to go. Rrrr. The procrastination is over for now. Take tea, remind yourself of the world outside the bubble of hell you're inhabiting. Concentrate.

To get the most out of your procrastination time, it is best if you break up sessions by doing some work in between each one. I have tips for those, too! So prepared.

1. When you get back to your laptop, CLOSE THOSE TABS. Yes, even that one, which you NEVER close. Do it, you'll thank me later.
2. Try to get back to work. Time yourself again, work for an hour, and then you can go back to procrastinating! Safe in the knowledge that you have done at least one hour of productive work today.

There we have it. Abigail's Adventures. Promoting healthy procrastination since 2012. I wish you all the very best with the new hobbies you will invent, the hours you will spend social networking, and the miles you will run.

Yours, distractedly,

Abby

London 2012: Part 3

And there it is. The London 2012 Olympics, finished.

So I'm finally allowed to tell you what I was doing there! Missing the boat completely on applying to be a volunteer, I applied for a job at the Olympics. So it was that I ended up at 7am on 27th July working at Greenwich Park (Equestrian Arena) in a bright orange uniform, flogging programmes to the horse fans. An experience like no other for me, I learnt that being up and out of the house at 5.30 (especially at the weekend) is like learning about a beautiful secret that no one else knows. The long hours and early starts were punishing, and the weather was well and truly British, with torrential rain and electric storms in the morning and scorching sun in the afternoon. I have a tan line where my lanyard was round my neck, then a small gap of tan before the collar of my T shirt intervened. Proud.

The people that I ended up talking to made it all worthwhile as well. There was the volunteer who showed me how to walk the last part of my commute to work, saving me a daily £2.70. There was the man from Pakistan who I had an hour-long conversation with about Ramadan and marriage and how girls in shorts are like sweets without wrappers. He also gave me a meal voucher, and made me promise not to have sex before marriage. There was the man who gave me a lift out of the park on a mobility buggy, and consequently yelled "Hey, Winchester!" at me every time we met because that was the only detail about me he could remember. There were the numerous spectators who explained to me what on earth was going on every day and managed to get me extremely interested in all of the horsie events. Finally, there was my beautiful, wonderful, programme-selling team. They helped motivate me to make the hour-an-a-half journey every morning, protected me from the scarier customers (chuckle) and created a fantastic send-off in Greenwich Wetherspoons when it was all over.

Seeing us win 3 Golds in the horse riding, and at least another Silver and Bronze, was indescribable. I can't believe I didn't cry any of the times I got to sing the National Anthem with a crowd of thousands, and seeing Kate and Wills wasn't half bad either. I'm so glad I was part of this fantastic event. I'm so proud of Britain, team GB, and every Olympic athlete. And of course, I can't wait to show off to any children/grandchildren that not only were the Olympics hosted here when I was in my prime, I was ACTUALLY THERE.

The Closing Ceremony didn't fail to impress either. As ridiculous as the Opening at the beginning there, and then a celebration of everything that has been achieved in these two weeks. 303 boxes to celebrate 303 Olympic events. Sounds like something we'd come up with. The flashbacks to the moment when a normal person becomes an Olympic Champion were wonderful, and I love the fact that we've brought the whole nation together in an acknowledgement of glorious achievement. To my mind in a ceremony of this kind there simply cannot be too much music, and I was not disappointed. It certainly brought out the secret dancer in old Boris. It's quite difficult to sum up the last section of the closing ceremony, but I think it can be agreed that it was wonderful, and crazy, and what I wish all parties were like, and I know I won't be the only one waking up with Always Look on the Bright Side of Life/Our House/Here Comes the Sun stuck in my head tomorrow morning.

GB, for everything, I salute you.

London 2012: Part 2

Yes, yes I know I'm a little late, but I've been busy! Olympic programmes don't sell themselves you know! More on that later, watch this space...

So in my previous post I argued how the Opening Ceremony was going to be stupendous, and whether you personally enjoyed it or not, I think you have to agree that the effort and sheer Britishness of the event was on top form. Eccentric, creative and brilliant, only Great Britain could have a parachuting Bond Girl Queen, a tribute to the NHS, a nod to the immigrants post-WWII, quotes from Tempest and a hundred dancing Mary Poppinses. The people wanted Britain, and boy did we give it to them.

One of my favourite parts was the whole history of British music, as that was a segment every single person in the country would enjoy at least a part of. Nimrod, The Rolling Stones, Dizzee Rascal; they were catering for every generation.

Something I found interesting, not being a great sportswoman myself, was the way the choreographers incorported a celebration of the beauty of movement into the ceremony, even if it wasn't a celebration of sport per se. I think that way it's more inclusive to everyone, after all, everyone has a body and they can all explore the way in which it works. Not everyone can become an Olympic athlete, and it was nice that the final dance was so moving, not just for the Brits, but worldwide. We didn't want the world to be wondering if they were right about this crazy country all along the whole way through the production...

So, I say hats off to the choreographers, organisers and performers of the wonderful opening ceremony. No one for a minute thought we were going to be competing with the precision and scale of the Beijing Opening Ceremony, as our nations are so different, but the heartfelt beauty and sincerity in the performers enjoyment was lovely, and I think they perfectly portrayed our country's mishmash of history.