Thoughts Pre-Japan

This term has gone so fast... I guess because for everyone else it's not actually over yet, it's just the end of my mini term in which I don't have any lectures but I try (and succeed) to make myself as busy as is humanly possible.

I barely had time to write down any of it. However, these are the bits I feel are important...

1. My hair stopped looking like this:

and started looking like this: 

But we had a Blue Party to celebrate, so that was all right:

2. Robin and I ordered Domino's and in the little box where it asks if you have any special requests, asked that they draw a lion on the box. We received this:

And my life was complete.

3. It snowed, a lot for South West England, but a little in comparison to Stockholm.

4. I went to see a couple of role models of mine, but that one I did have time to write about...

5. Finally, I got excited about the prospect of spending four months in Japan, studying. Oh, boy.

Delicious sweetie Ramen was made, a Christmas present from Ellie, a friend who knows me incredibly well, and the totoros looked on.

The food in Japan is one of the greatest things I look forward to ^_^

But there we are! A snapshot(s) of what I've been up to here in ole England, and now I can draw somewhat of a line under everything for 4 months of blogging in a slightly different format.

There are so many people I want to tell my adventures to about my time in Nagoya, and a lot of the time I'll hope to do so in person. However, I'd like a record of my 4 months of study for myself if for no one else, so I'm going to try and post every Sunday, an update of what's been happening that week. There'll still be other posts, such as Lifescouts stories, and if anything particularly cool happens, there'll probably be a whole story on that.

If I can remember to a) take photos and b) upload them every week, I will be so impressed with myself.

Happy readings!

Yours, packing frantically,

Abby

Masks

I like to imagine what life would be like if no one had a screen to hide behind. Those people, you know the type, who act like they're all that because they dress in a certain way and own certain brands.

What if we didn't have foundation and everyone could see what skin actually looks like?
What if we didn't swathe ourselves in material and everyone could see what bodies actually look like?
What if we didn't wear high heels and everyone could see how long legs actually are?
What if we didn't have bras with padding in and everyone knew that we're all different sizes and shapes?
What if we didn't have jewellery and no one knew how much you can afford to spend on precious metals?

Don't misunderstand, I adore self-expression and clashing colours and bold prints and neutral tones and pastel shades and interesting textures and sparkly things and feeling great.

But... why do we need these things to feel great? Clothing, in fact appearance in general should be an accompaniment to ourselves, not an article to hide ourselves behind. Wouldn't it be nice if the reason you came home happy at the end of the day was because you'd managed to make more people laugh than normal, or because someone complimented you on your smile?

I just wonder how relationships and friendships and the way people interact would change if it was all swept away. If all the wobbles and freckles and mismatchedness and insecurities were on show, maybe they wouldn't be insecurities at all.

Yours, naked,
Abby

Charlie Charlie Charlie

Something happened recently, and I'm not entirely sure where I want to go with this blog post, but we'll see where we end up.

Charlie Mcdonnell is a Youtuber from Bath who currently has 1.68 million subscribers. When I first truly discovered the potential of Youtube - how completely this little site is a community - the nature of Charlie's skill became apparent. He has a magnetic personality, which shines through in everything he makes. He is cheery, and creative, and genuine, as well as funny, sensitive, and doesn't take himself too seriously. Also Stephen Fry voices his outros. It never comes as a surprise to me to see multiple comments asking for Charlie's hand in the comments of his videos.

Part of the follow-ability (who needs real words? Whatever.) of Charlie is his willingness to share his audience. I've become something of a Youtube addict, subscribed to over 80 channels, and many of these are people Charlie has collaborated with or mentioned in his videos, and the rest are people those people have mentioned. It's a slippery slope. (Actually, I lie, I small portion is due to my odd and eclectic music tastes). I am aware it's my opinion, as there are many influential Youtubers out there, but to me, Charlie is the centre of the Youniverse.

Therefore, as time went on, and I noticed a distinct lack of content from Charlie's channel, charlieissocoollike, I was not the only one. Because the quality of his work is so high, and the effort which goes in so entirely apparent, I for one assumed he was just putting that much time into each video, and that he had a life to get on with outside of Youtube as well. But after about a year of less and less of Charlie's face in the 'most viewed' section of Youtube's front page, I and his other millions of viewers were faced with this heart-wrenching video:

And his followers responded. All over the internet there are people rallying for Charlie to get back to being comfortable enough to entertain us. On the video, on his website, on twitter, and in video responses. The latter is where I was most impressed. The sheer number of friends from the community who know him personally, as well as those who don't, showed how empathetic humans will be when someone lays their heart bare. And because we all understand. Of course we do. The terror of putting yourself out there, trying to make people laugh, or think, or lead better lives, only to be beaten down and criticised is a feeling we all have known. To some people this is felt by posting their opinions on the internet, but to others it can be felt in as small an action as raising their hand in class.

One of my favourite reactions is from another Youtuber who doesn't post so often, but when he does, wow. I can go into this another time, for now I just want you to listen to Michael Aranda, and his wise, wise words:

Without being falsely complimentary of covering up the truth, he makes me feel so much better about my problems, and the video wasn't even directed at me.

I think this is something which has made me love people a little bit more over this past week. We're all different, and that's wonderful. But we are a little bit the same too, and when we realise this, and put the plea for help out there, friends, family and strangers will respond. Even just the knowledge of the potential for support can help me through a difficult time.

Yours, lovingly,

Abby

Entwined

He knows well the curve of her back, the smell of her hair.
She misses his arms, one under her neck, one cradling her waist, if they're not present.
Breathing slows, mumbling ceases, and they slip into dreams where they can run.
Run with the deer, soar with the falcons, and glide with the otters.

In dreaming, they understand how to live. Everything is easy, easy as breathing.
No decisions, no choices, and no parting, they can explore their own world together.
By the giggling stream they can chase the ripples, in the sun-drenched field they can spy the clouds.
In the rain they can dance, and in the storms they can race.


Upon waking, nothing is as clear.
The swirl of responsibilities pushes and pulls them, the currents allowing brief glimpses,
But never the freedom they had by the brook.
Exhaustion draws near, happiness is tattered, tempers flare.

But their worldly troubles can be pushed aside for a day here, an evening there,
So that they can return for a spell to the place they were free.

Too Many Feels

It seems I am always so angry/passionate about something. Whether it be gender politics, rights for the disabled, the disadvantages of technology, oh my goodness, all the things, I seem to have an opinion on. It can't be making me any friends. I, for one, enjoy a good debate which everyone can just walk away from at the end, but what if everyone else doesn't feel the same way? What if most others hate being challenged, and I'm riling everybody? But what's my alternative? Wander through life in a daze, never questioning or caring or wanting to change anything at all? So many questions. Maybe I'd be fine if I wasn't too worried about what everyone else thinks of me thinking my thinks. But I am! I'll get properly into an argument and not be worried at all at the time but I think I have a debater alter-ego who's not worried about the same things I am in real life. After the heated discussion is over and we've walked away (either physically or mentally) I'm sure the other party forgets everything we've just spoken about. But I get anxious about everything I've just said, will re-play everything over and over to try and convince myself I had my side of the argument correct, get nervous about seeing that person again, or even cry. Yes, really. I'll often try to distract myself immediately after a debate, watching Youtube or working or striking up a new conversation with someone, but my thoughts will return to the agonising possibility that I may have hurt someone's feelings or stirred up someone's beliefs. And the question logically follows, 'What were you trying to achieve if it wasn't those things?' And I have no answer. An irritating conflict of aspects of my personality; wanting to stir things up, keep people's opinions fresh, but wanting to make sure that everyone I know feels constantly all right, that they're not worried about anything, that I've done all in my power to make sure I'm supporting them 100%.
No paragraphs today, no eloquence, no flowers in this language. Too many feels.

Yours, overwhelmed,
Abby

The irony...

...that the very week I post about how to keep your head when all around you are losing theirs, I have the most extreme panic about an assignment. Well, that's life, but it's meant I've kept a lot of thoughts cooped up, and now the stoopid essay's finally complete, they're begging to be let loose. So, one post per day this week, let's see if I can keep up with myself. And no, they won't all be at 2am. Most, perhaps, but not all...

Yours, vocally,
Abby