Japan: Onsen

I want these built in England. I want a law passed that everyone goes to one every month. I have solved the problem of quite a number of issues in the UK...

Onsen are traditional Japanese baths heated by naturally occurring hot springs due to the volcanic activity of the country. There are thousands of onsen all over Japan. They can be outside or inside, and are usually located as part of a ryokan, traditional Japanese hotel, as the Japanese like to travel away from their busy lives and relax in an onsen somewhere new.

These are similar to the reasons guide books list onsen as places visitors to Japan should go - the relaxing atmosphere, the experience of Japanese culture, and other similar reasons. At first, this was why I wanted to try an onsen. On a trip funded by the university, it would be a waste not to make use of all amenities, and it's a long-standing feature of Japanese culture, of which I feel compelled to try as many as possible.

However, these reasons were not sufficient to keep me from being nervous. With shaking fingers a friend and I slipped out of our clothes and into our yukata, cotton kimono, in separate rooms. We told each other that we had to go "Now! Or we'll never do it!" and made our way downstairs to the onsen. First you pass into the ladies' section; the majority of onsen are single-sex in Japan. There's a changing room, although there's not much actual 'changing' to do, only shrugging out of your yukata and placing it in a basket, back to everyone, eyes on the floor, and questions of what you're putting yourself through in your head.

If the floor wasn't soaking wet we'd have scurried through. As it was, we made our way slowly into the bath house, eyes fixed on our next destination: one of the rows of low stools with shower heads beside them. Before you can step into the bath itself, the bather has to thoroughly wash themselves. Shampoo, conditioner and several types of body wash are provided, as are *gulp* mirrors at each station. There are several sets of these rows of stools, resembling a hairdresser's, so you can see everyone.

Oh. I can see... everyone.

Feeling a little more secure sitting on a stool and not walking through the bath-house, I relaxed. It wasn't scary, after all. It wasn't weird. It was just. Women.

I'm not going to pretend the reason it wasn't scary was because I wasn't looking, or because everyone just ignores each other, because Hell, I was looking. I suddenly realised the portrayal of bodies is all wrong. There were children, who we all looked like once, older women, who we'll all look like in the future, mothers, who we might resemble in just a few short years. And there were young women, and seeing us all together like that was the least strange of all.

Sometimes it seems all young women think about is the shape of their bodies. The only two things we have to compare are our reflections, and actresses, dancers, models, and we're not even seeing them naked. Well, I saw about fifty Japanese girls my age last night, and the tales of how they're all super-skinny is a myth. Breasts, hips, thighs, tummies, bums, shoulders, legs, arms. Everyone had a different combination of sizes of these, and I'm not trying to make anyone feel good by saying they were all beautiful. A true fact: They all looked like women. Yes, dear reader, even the ones with flat chests. Yes, dear reader, even the ones with wobbly tummies. Do not flatter yourself, dear reader, you are no different, and you do not escape my words.

Your body. Is. Beautiful.

No clothes, no make-up, no anything. I've speculated before about what would happen if we were all at our most vulnerable all the time, and I'm surprised to be able to provide an answer. We wouldn't be vulnerable. At least not because of the way we looked. We would have to worry about other things. Personalities, for instance. Wouldn't that be healthier? These, we can change.

My insecurities vanished into the dark sky with the rising steam. The hot, calming water does nothing to hide you, and besides, you soon grow too hot and lull on a rock to cool down for a minute. For once, the stares of the Japanese at a Gaijin didn't bother me. I was casting many a side-long glance and being reassured about my body, I was only too happy for my body to reassure also. The friend and I realised how womanly females are from the back especially. Men and women just do not look alike. I asked her to drop back a couple of steps as we moved from one bath to the other, to see if I looked as good as that. Her "Oh God, yes!", immediate and said with such sincerity only served to deepen my euphoria.

So, the first issue I have solved is body confidence. The second I feel I have an answer to is how to halt the over-sexualisation of the female form. In my opinion, the leaders of advertising companies are most to blame.  The way an advert about body wash will show a glowing, smiling woman; the camera pans across her collar-bones, show the bubbles swirling round her feet, might skim tantalisingly past what teenagers so elegantly refer to as 'side boob'. Well, I wish they showed you more. I wish they'd show you her breasts full-on, her tummy with creases in it - a tummy which does it's job of containing food... I wish they'd show you her jiggly thighs, her wobbling bum, and all the bits of fat on her, instead of pretending she looks a way she doesn't through clever camera work.

Moreover, I wish every advert along the same theme contained a woman who looked different. In one, a small woman with small breasts and a flat stomach. A short woman with full hips. A woman with large eyes and a wide waist, and occasionally, in the same frequency as every other body shape, a woman with long legs, a small waist, and large boobs, so that this particular body type is not over-sexualised or overly sought-after, so that we all understand it's just another shape women come in.

I want women to understand that the liars are not the ones who say that every body is perfect, and I want those attracted to women to have the chance to see all body shapes in a beautiful light, so that they might decide in an unbiased way which is their preference.

I can't see that it's too much to ask.

My trip to the onsen made me want to discover a way to dispel all my worries so easily as my body troubles,  I need a way to recreate this onsen feeling. More importantly though, how can I encourage everyone else, especially young women, to try it and feel it for themselves?

Yours,

Abby

Pride

Just a little thought:

When you put hours of work into something, whether it's an essay, or an entire iPod's worth of tunes, or a cake; anything quantifiable that can be judged by another. When you've put as much thought and effort into it as you possess, and you really think you've done a good job. The emotion when you get that piece of work back, and the person marking it put nowhere near as much effort into looking at it as your attempt deserved, or someone scrolls through your music ("You still listen to them?) or someone disagrees with your cake-decorating style.

Your righteous anger when you've worked truly hard at something, and it's just not appreciated as it should be.

I wish that's how people could be when any platform, be it a television programme or an advert or an acquaintance, makes you feel bad about how you look.

'Hey, Big Shot, I've created this body with 19 year's worth of thoughts and experiences, of course you won't think it's perfect, because you have an entirely different idea of perfection to me.

But it's too late. I've put all this effort in and now I'm not going back. This is what I think is right, and I've got the evidence to prove it. I'm alive, aren't I?

Just because we have a difference of opinion over this, it doesn't mean either of us is wrong. But you should know that you can't change my view by looking down on me.

We make up a diverse and interesting world, and we need a world's population's worth of thoughts to make it as rich as it can be.'

Our appearance and our actions, all going in to create the delicious assortment of humans there are.

Stay positive, and stay yourselves.

Yours, proudly,
Abby

Binary

We like things to be simple. Easy to work out.

If we can't work something out, we like to have an assumption to fall back on. Gives us security, because we like to know things. Stuff. We can see this through scientific experiment, the constant questioning of our existence and the world around us, and the appearance through the ages of religion, to comfort and explain.

You know what's not simple? People.

Think about objects you can put into nice categories. Cars, bicycles, trains, and a finite number of objects we ride on/in are 'methods of transport'. French, Japanese, German and Sign Language and a finite number of ways of communication are 'languages'.

You know what you can't put into categories? People.

We wish it were easier. We wish there were good people and bad people. Did you know that under Gaddafi, Libya's literacy rate went from below 20% up to 85%? Jus' sayin'. Good people to bad things sometimes, and bad people do good things sometimes.

There aren't only normal people and weird people. There aren't only people who think like you, and people who don't. There aren't only atheists and religious extremists. Everybody's a mixture of everything, and we all believe little bits of everything.

You see, the problem with the boxes and the labels and the filing cabinets we insist on creating for everyone else is that soon you put yourself in one, too. The two categories which follow logically are unfortunately, 'Us and Them'. It seems so unfair to ourselves, is the human race really as boring as all that?

Let's celebrate our differences, and love our individuality. Let's recognise that the categories containing humans are infinite, as much as are the fingerprints we leave behind.

Yours, uniquely,

Abby

Chill Out

"A memory test - What were you worrying about one year ago today?"

Something I am exceptionally good at, worrying. About? Oh, about money, uni work (2nd year counts?!), my job, being punctual, eating well, the dark, my relationship, the future, audition rejections, my appearance, cleaning the house, keeping everyone happy, performing well at frisbee, my health... the list, as they say, is endless. And see if you can tell how many of those I have absolutely nothing to worry about. That, my situation regarding them is perfect, and I wouldn't change a thing about them.

It's odd, we battle with so many things, and try to better ourselves in so many ways, how is it that so many of the things that keep me awake at night are not problems at all, are even barely the potential to become problems in the future.

"I've been through terrible things in my life... and some of them have actually happened"

I think I've become so used to dealing with stress in my life that if there isn't any - it stresses me out. I put a lot of pressure on myself to succeed; I enjoy often telling the story of how I used to get stress nose-bleeds in GCSE chemistry lessons because I couldn't understand a single stupid thing. Isn't the irony beautiful? Something which used to cause me so much discomfort, actually provides me with entertainment a few years on down the line. And I still don't know what a freakin' mole is.

What I'm trying to say, is that everyone needs to chill. I see constant facebook updates worrying about deadlines, and admittedly it is reassuring to know that I'm not the only one, but I think instead of everyone rushing through life in a blind panic, we should all make a pact to stop the hell worrying about it all. If I just review my life, and breathe, and imagine how in a year's time I'll be making people laugh with tales of my present situation, it helps. Of course that's not actually very constructive, so here is some real advice if worrying about everything is a problem for you, too.

1. Write it all down, in order of priority - Not only will you realise you have no way near as much to do as you think, it'll encourage you to do the most important thing first instead of putting it off.
2. Take breaks during work - Especially important, because it's so easily overlooked. If you don't take 15-20 minute breaks every couple of hours you're just going to lose concentration and go round in circles and take twice as long to get anything done.
3. Ask! - Teachers, lecturers, classmates, anyone you know who has some level of expertise in the subject you're struggling with, will probably feel touched that you've come to them for help. So have chats with people when you get stuck.
4. Don't be so hard on yourself - No one in the world is as hard on yourself as you are. Instead of finding fault with everything, work hard at discovering what you like about your body, personality, whatever. Make a list of things you would never change. Add to it all the time. This girl will help you out: Laci Green
5. You can't be friends with everyone - One that's particularly hard for me to take, if you have opinions, some people will disagree with you. As hard as you try, Abigail, you will not be able to get on with them all. Learn to appreciate those closest to you so that the others cease to matter so much.
6. Ignore the advertising - You are beautiful. Yes, you really are. You're just going to have to get used to it. Ignore products telling you to be thinner, younger, smoother, taller, curvier, big-eyed and pouty. They will never leave you alone and you will never feel good enough. Come to terms with how you really look, and it will be hard for people to shake your confidence.
7. Don't let rejection get you down - It can be horrible, putting yourself in a position of vulnerability and being trodden all over, but try not to let it get to you. Stand up, shake it off, and the most important thing here is that you learn from what went wrong. In most cases, it's not because there's anything wrong with you, it's just that you're not what the Director, boy, girl, etc. was looking for. But don't change for them, soon you will be the person someone is looking for.
8. Use. Your. Words. - Directing this one at relationship issues, but applicable in literally any situation. No one (apart from Derren Brown) can read minds. Are there problems? Talk about them, they will be resolved. Is something going well? Talk about it, so it can be repeated. You just want to have a moan? Your partner will probably be glad to know what's going on in your head, and relieved that it's nothing to do with them. I can't stress this one enough, but I'll give it a go. Use Your Words.
9. Take tissues to chemistry lessons

Of course these are all personal to me, both the problems and the solutions, and things you're struggling with may not correlate with mine at all. But I hope that I have encouraged you to try and think a little more positively about everything.

I think that's probably enough for now. I didn't realise just how much I had to say on this subject until I started writing. I might return to this at some point, but I need to stop for a while. I was only exploring this subject to try and stop myself worrying about my first assignment of the year (due in a week), after all.

Chill out, y'all

Abby

Gendered Objects

So I bought five umbrellas the other day. Unfortunately, as you might expect from me, it's not for some elaborate costume, but merely preparation for Winter. I lose umbrellas at an alarming rate, and this behaviour is nothing but sensible. Promise.

What disturbed me about these umbrellas though, was the fashion in which they all claimed to be a 'women's small umbrella'. They came in red, light blue, dark blue, and black. How, I implore you to explain to me, are these solely women's umbrellas? Are men only allowed umbrellas of giant proportions, so that they can demonstrate their strength by not being swept off their feet by huge gusts of wind, or so that they can skewer each other when their Neanderthal instincts call? This isolated situation seems like a fuss over nothing, but I'm afraid the 'women's umbrella' is a poster, behind which is hiding a much larger problem.

As I explained in my post To Each Their Own everyone has ways they wish to express themselves, whether through dress, behaviour, or gender identity. This, I think, is the widest area we can cover with one sentence. Anybody can identify themselves in any way they want. If we let this be true, my issues with the world would be reduced by hundreds. Sadly, we can see this statement being denied in multiple tiny ways.

Men traditionally wear trousers, but women, go ahead! Express yourself, for comfort, or practicality, or because you want to. Women traditionally wear dresses, so men, if you wear one, we will stare, and judge, and in some cases, imprison. Yes, women had to fight to have the right to appear a certain way, as black people fought for integration, and homosexual people are still fighting in many parts the world. But it's not a rite of passage! It's wrong to think that any certain group of people need to fight for the way they want to live before they 'deserve' to live it. People cannot be labelled, they cannot be put into neat drawers. "Women like shopping." "Men watch football." "Lesbians have short hair." "Children can run around and express themselves loudly and openly, but when they grow a little older we'll have to explain to them how they should really be behaving." Our society makes us believe all kinds of facts that aren't true, through TV, advertising (this one especially), and recently, tumblr, twitter, youtube, facebook. The number of ways negative messages can be put across to young, impressionable people is slightly terrifying. There is no rule-book you have to follow, there is only the entire world of possibilities that you can pick from, and choose the behaviours you wish to embody.

If the world can learn anything at all, it should be from its past. Wars are fought over religion, people are imprisoned for sexual identity, neighbours treat each other without respect because they worship different gods. None of these things will stop happening until we realise that everyone is free to act in whichever way they wish, as long as they're not hurting others, and that men can use whatever kind of umbrella they jolly well like.

I saw this video today, and it made me happy

Blue

So, who remembers this hair?

Well, guess what?

Blue is back.
It's not uncommon for many requests of an explanation to come my way as to why I indulge in this insanity, so I thought I could try to explain. Returning to my favourite xkcd may clarify my reasoning.

Everyone has creative tendencies, even those who claim to be 'bad at art'. I was terrible at the subject of art at school, but it was always painfully restrictive, and it's no wonder that the people who never received 'proper' training are often the most successful (Van Morrison an excellent example on the music side of things).

I digress. It's healthy for you to express yourself, through clothing, speech, interests, hair colour... Everyone has a need to do so, and there's no point watering down your ideas, your desires of how to behave, to try to conform, or to please people of higher status than you, or for any reason at all. As I said in my last post, if everyone was accepting of each other, everyone would be a lot happier. I think because it would allow complete freedom of expression.

In short, I dye my hair blue because I like to. It's not necessarily my favourite colour, I'm not just trying to draw attention to myself, I just like my hair to be blue. It's that simple. I think the first time I did it back in March it might have been a small test for myself. I'd never dyed my hair, and it was something I had been curious about for quite a while.

The experience has taught me not to second-guess a way I know I want my appearance to change. Do you want to try a new hair cut or colour? Item or colour of clothing you 'know' (think) you can't pull off? My advice is to just go ahead, don't even think about it, and don't look back. For certain, the person who will notice the biggest difference in appearance is you, your peers will be far more interested in your increase in confidence. Living spontaneously makes life so much more interesting. As xkcd points out, we can't just go on living our lives in a pattern, repeating the same behaviours over and over again. Try something different, something you've always wanted to do. Maybe do it tomorrow? Trust me, go for it.

Yours, leaping before I look,
Abby

To Each Their Own

There are some facts I think it is very important that people realise. There is so much hatred aimed at total strangers, all for such pointless reasons, and I want to address people's issues.

All bodies should be celebrated.
Whether they are fatter, or thinner, or taller, or shorter, or more muscular, or of a different skin colour, or more freckle-y, or disabled, or with bigger hands, or with knobblier knees, everyone's bodies are different.
Do not let your insecurities about your own body manifest itself in judgement of others.

All genders should be celebrated.
Not everyone who is biologically female will identify as a woman, and not everyone who is biologically male will identify as a man. These people probably had about as much control over which gender they found themselves as you did.
Do not let your ignorance of the way the human body and mind works manifest itself in judgement of others.

Everyone's dress sense should be celebrated.
Everyone has a way they like to express themselves. People have favourite colours, and brands, and styles of dress. Some will like to wear less than you do, some will like to wear more. Some people will spend a long time on their appearance, and this will hold no interest for others.
Do not let your fear of expressing yourself the way you wish to manifest itself in judgement of others.

In a modern world where we have the opportunity, and the gift, and the right to freedom of expression, the only enemy we're left fighting against is ourselves. If you label people and assume you know them from their appearance, not only are you potentially hurting those individuals, but you're continuing the idea that it is okay for a few select members of society to dictate what is right and what is wrong, when in reality, these rules are non-existent.

Next time you find yourself looking at someone and making a snap decision about their personality/sexual orientation/health status or any other aspect of that person's personal life, answer me this; "Are that person's life choices hurting anybody in any way?" If the answer's no, then you need to decide something else too. You need to examine why you're judging that person's decisions. Is it because you wish you could express yourself in a way similar to them? Is it because a book or a film has given you a false perception of what's beautiful? Is it just habit? If all humans went around doing the same thing and looking the same, quite frankly, my habit of people-watching would be ruined.

The world is beautiful because of its diversity. A flower garden with just one type of rose would not interest anybody.

Instead of looking at everyone else all the time, why not take a look at yourself? Maybe there's some changes you'd like to make to your own appearance, and it is this insecurity which causes you to be so quick to judge others. I can tell you from experience that the happier you are with yourself, the happier you will be with everyone else.

It all just comes down to this

Peace an' Love
Abby