Japan, Week 9

9 - Week of Work

This week, I had a great deal of work to do. Reading, essays, lesson planning, typing up all the class observations and practices I've completed thus far... there was a lot of it. So unfortunately, as it doesn't make for great reading, almost all I did this week was go to lessons and do a lot of work. However, luckily for my readers and my sanity, there was a small diversion planned for Friday night, in the form of a party for a special guy's Birthday. Travelling thousands of miles and having your first teaching experience in front of Japanese university students can give you a bond with someone, and as such another uni friend and I wanted to give Ryan a 20th to remember.

Chocolate cornflake cakes were made, origami was folded, and we got unnecessarily dressed up for the setting (I-House). But hey, it was a party. It was a welcome end to a difficult week, which would become slightly less taxing over the weekend.

Birthday boy and Birthday cakes 

Saturday we got up early considering the lateness of the hour the party ended the night before, and headed to Nagoya. All worth it of course; Iron Man 3 isn't in my usually preferred genre of film, but for some reason this trilogy has nestled in my heart. Possibly has something to do with my adoration of Gwyneth Paltrow and the perfection of Robert Downey Jr when he's feeling whimsical. Further goodness was poured into the day by the arrival of an unexpected package, which turned out to contain sugar, sugar, earrings, and chocolate. Housemates. They're worth having. Thanks, Vee ^__^

EXCITING BOX

Saturday afternoon and evening was, more work! Sunday was another one of those memory-days. Like when a film is made and everyone knows it's going to be a classic, hiking through a Japanese forest on a gorgeous day, listening to frogs which sound like birds, and almost vertical paths laid out ahead of you, I will remember. Apparently we walked about 13 miles of hilly, hilly path in 5 hours, and as long as I can keep ahead of the work, I want this to be a weekly activity.

Hikers, and our Japanese guide Kazu

That's all for this week. Strange, I was so much busier than this post suggests! But I don't think it would be too interesting for you, dear readers, if I started typing my homework up on here.

Until next week!

Yours,
Abby

Check out my tumblr for all my photos: http://abbyinjapan.tumblr.com/

The Lull

These are thoughts born of three thousand words. Specifically, three thousand words I wrote in the form of an essay critiquing the performance which created the first real spark I've experienced of what I would like to be 'when I grow up'. Some of the sentences in the essay were better than that.

I had a long time to complete the essay, and I spent a long time completing the essay. The stages of research, of library trips, of referencing, of painstakingly removing the excess of approximately fifty words, reminded me or proved to me that I made the right decision in putting three more years of my life in the hands of education. Whether my future turns out to be practical or theoretical, I feel I am gaining a solid foundation of both here.

As I have done before, writing these thoughts before I know the grade I received for the collection of my three thousand little words seems preferable to after. Unbiased and unclouded, I want to remember how I am feeling now, at the completion of The Longest Thing I Have Ever Written, and uninfluenced by the judgement of another.

I go to Japan to study abroad for 4 months in a matter of weeks. With Mr 3,000 out of the way, my schedule is free from work until I venture to libraries on a different continent. It is not free from two plays, one musical, frisbee tournaments, a job and work experience. Yet I have encountered a pleasing lull in university life, felt especially on a sunny Saturday afternoon with nothing in particular to do. I've had time to reflect on how ridiculous the last year and a half has been. Partying, writing, shopping, cooking, reading, socialising, travelling. How terrible it is that the activities which are to most a matter of course at university have the ability to drag you down.

Of the people I know well, I can't think of a single one who hasn't struggled at some point along the way. I remember the talk we went to in our Freshers Week; amusing, innuendo-ridden, and concluding with the overall message that this won't be easy, and no-one will plain-sail through the ocean of books, relationships and Life that stretches out. The most fitting adjective so far, to describe the situation of being almost exactly half-way through a degree, is 'overwhelming'. At times it feels this whole process is to show me just how much I will never know. The points I could have explored further in that essay, if only I'd had the time and space!

Everyone feels their head slipping under the tirade at some point, and it doesn't even matter if it's not to do with an assignment specifically. The human interaction you're forced into, the cooking you must learn to do, the time you must find to learn words and train and practice, all of this is the experience of being at university, and it's not shameful to have a hard time dealing with any of it. There are so many clichés I could type, but I am loathe to do so. Just try to break out of the isolation you feel, because there is someone else who understands how you feel, and if they don't, they want to keep you company while you feel it. This is new to us all, and we all have moments when we struggle with the onslaught.

Personally, I've been dwelling on the plays I will never have the funds to see, the books time to read, or the places the ability to travel to. A needlessly sad enterprise, as it happens, and I think what I'm learning currently is that the most important factor in my life are indeed those choices we make. As much as I would have liked to, I cannot study ALL the subjects at university, so how much does it mean that Drama and English stole the top spot? As much as I would like to, I cannot learn ALL the things, so think how much emphasis it puts on the knowledge I have gained, and will gain. I have the ability here to decide exactly what the most important things are, and learn about them. Even if that's only my opinion, how incredible. That's why I've just bought a book about the Natural History Museum.

So continue, fast-paced, poorly funded, terrifying degree. All that you're bringing with you I can face, because I choose to.

Yours, head-on,
Abby

Resolving to stay the same

I don't think I like resolutions made in January. Yes, it's a new calendar year, but what in your life is actually changing? For me, not a great deal. If you recall, I made my resolutions at the end of August for the new Academic year which lay ahead of me. I've completed all of them, too. When you're about to start something new, like a job or hobby, or when you're changing situation, such as house or partner or country, I think then is a good time to make changes. You are aware that you're not going to be able to continue the way you lived before, so changes have to be made. When your life is going to continue on exactly as it did in 2012, for what reason are you going to change? Where is the motivation going to come from, if you don't already have it?

I don't like setting myself up to fail, and to me it seems that trying to start a hundred things at a random point in your journey through something (in this case, my second year in university), is just that. It's cold, wet and miserable, it's a time of relaxation, so you're going to be fighting against the break your body and mind needs, and you probably don't have enough time to set up a new habit before your life continues after the holidays.

However, my goal here is not actually to crush people's hopes and dreams. Being a holiday, you're probably going to have more time on your hands, and as a seemingly big change is about to occur, that of the changing of the year, it is a natural time to reflect. So when you're thinking about the ways in which you'd like to change your life, make it a bit easier for yourself. Keep your resolutions:

• Achievable and realistic
• Quantifiable If you can't measure your success, you're more likely to become frustrated and give in
• Few Trying to make one new habit or change one thing about yourself is much more likely to succeed than ten
• Within your best interests Chasing someone who's not worth you, caving into advertising or false perceptions of beauty etc seem to be common themes in New Year's Resolutions

Despite everything I've said, I do have ways in which I would like this year to go, and so, though I don't want to call them resolutions, these are the things I will continue to do, and possibly do more of or improve on:

1. Surround myself with people who make me feel good improve my life by being in it. I have some very valuable friends, but I need to learn that some people don't consider my feelings in the way that they - that everyone's - deserve to be considered. I do not need these people around.
2. Have adventures. They are fun.
3. Experiment with *stuff* outside my comfort zone. What a terrible word, but I wanted to leave it open. I want to do new things :)

That's enough! I don't want to complicate my already-busy existence with changes I don't need to make. I need to be safe, happy, and... No, that's it actually. If anything in my life is pulling either of those aspects down, and I can do something about it, it's gonna have to go.

Laci Green has a lot to say on the subject of body confidence, staying healthy (in ways you sometimes forget about) and accepting others. I think people's resolution should be to learn from her more :)

Laci's Tumblr

Laci's Youtube channel

Good luck with everything you wish to achieve.

Yours, happily,

Abby

Knowing

I've never had a set goal in my mind of where my life's going. When I was 5 I wanted to work in a shop because I like lining things up and wanted to make the things go 'beep'. Not a direct quote but it was something along those lines. I do currently work in my University's Student Union shop, which is a lovely job; I get to see my friends and they work around my timetable and it's not far to go. However I wouldn't exactly say that I want to stay as a shop assistant there forever.

As you grow older your ambitions are supposed to grow bigger in some ways, smaller in others. Downsizing in terms of understanding your limitations, for example. It would be difficult, and in some cases impossible for certain children to become astronauts, princesses, or in my case, a mermaid. Achieved as far as possible, I think. But as you understand yourself more, you realise career prospects you would be suited to. Are you caring? Hands-on? Athletic? Political? Your skills and interests line you up to pursue certain paths.

But what if everything interests you? What if, at GCSE level, you could have quite happily taken Geography, History, Japanese, Drama or Music as your extra choices? Psychology wouldn't have been to bad either, had it been offered. And what if, conversely, a great many things frighten you? Death, upset, boredom. It's been so hard for me to align all the parts of myself with a road to walk cycle down.

BUT THEN... University! In the end I just went with something I enjoyed. Something I knew relatively little about, but was anxious to explore and delve into the open and ever-changing world. A subject which seems to fit my personality, my style. A subject which is more academic than many realise, but is at times, hilariously physical. Plenty of extra-curricular to be involved in, too.

Why, drama, of course! Augmented with English to make me seem more smart (so that I could take the term in Japan) I embarked on a whole new subject to see where it would lead. 'Exploration' is probably the best word to describe my course. Of the self, of society, of literature. Of the space you're occupying, of expectations, of everything there is. Mickey-mouse? No. Easy option? No. Tell that to my 3,000 word critical analysis.

Which brings me back to the title, and my meandering train of thought. The analysis I have to write is of a performance I and 4 others produced, devised and scripted ourselves, from completely nada. Small inspiration from lectures on clowning and other forms of popular performance and comedians/comedic performances we already knew and love, but essentially, there was no structure to follow. This was shown most strongly by the diversity of the group performances, and the directions we had all taken.

I don't know if I've ever had so much fun creating something before. I don't know that I have created something entirely out of nothing before. I loved it. Pure and simple. We had to think of everything; costume, props, music/soundtrack, characterisation, and all the explorations I mentioned. We did well, mark-wise, although I maintain that it's not so important at this stage. We made them laugh, a much greater achievement in my eyes, because it shows we have something to work with, a slight spark we can flame.

We are tentative about our dreams these days, at this age. We are worried that others will doubt our ability, and will seem arrogant or ignorant or naive. So I shan't say that I know what it is that I want to spend my whole life doing. I am not sure that I will ever know. I seem too flighty, too intent on learning everything about everything to settle, but if I had to pick something and never diverge, it would be this. Devising, understanding, creating, playing.

Your age is just a number, and I think there's so much to be said for ignoring it.

Oh, jelly and squirty cream. That's me covered in jelly and squirty cream.

Yours, playfully,

Abby

Chill Out

"A memory test - What were you worrying about one year ago today?"

Something I am exceptionally good at, worrying. About? Oh, about money, uni work (2nd year counts?!), my job, being punctual, eating well, the dark, my relationship, the future, audition rejections, my appearance, cleaning the house, keeping everyone happy, performing well at frisbee, my health... the list, as they say, is endless. And see if you can tell how many of those I have absolutely nothing to worry about. That, my situation regarding them is perfect, and I wouldn't change a thing about them.

It's odd, we battle with so many things, and try to better ourselves in so many ways, how is it that so many of the things that keep me awake at night are not problems at all, are even barely the potential to become problems in the future.

"I've been through terrible things in my life... and some of them have actually happened"

I think I've become so used to dealing with stress in my life that if there isn't any - it stresses me out. I put a lot of pressure on myself to succeed; I enjoy often telling the story of how I used to get stress nose-bleeds in GCSE chemistry lessons because I couldn't understand a single stupid thing. Isn't the irony beautiful? Something which used to cause me so much discomfort, actually provides me with entertainment a few years on down the line. And I still don't know what a freakin' mole is.

What I'm trying to say, is that everyone needs to chill. I see constant facebook updates worrying about deadlines, and admittedly it is reassuring to know that I'm not the only one, but I think instead of everyone rushing through life in a blind panic, we should all make a pact to stop the hell worrying about it all. If I just review my life, and breathe, and imagine how in a year's time I'll be making people laugh with tales of my present situation, it helps. Of course that's not actually very constructive, so here is some real advice if worrying about everything is a problem for you, too.

1. Write it all down, in order of priority - Not only will you realise you have no way near as much to do as you think, it'll encourage you to do the most important thing first instead of putting it off.
2. Take breaks during work - Especially important, because it's so easily overlooked. If you don't take 15-20 minute breaks every couple of hours you're just going to lose concentration and go round in circles and take twice as long to get anything done.
3. Ask! - Teachers, lecturers, classmates, anyone you know who has some level of expertise in the subject you're struggling with, will probably feel touched that you've come to them for help. So have chats with people when you get stuck.
4. Don't be so hard on yourself - No one in the world is as hard on yourself as you are. Instead of finding fault with everything, work hard at discovering what you like about your body, personality, whatever. Make a list of things you would never change. Add to it all the time. This girl will help you out: Laci Green
5. You can't be friends with everyone - One that's particularly hard for me to take, if you have opinions, some people will disagree with you. As hard as you try, Abigail, you will not be able to get on with them all. Learn to appreciate those closest to you so that the others cease to matter so much.
6. Ignore the advertising - You are beautiful. Yes, you really are. You're just going to have to get used to it. Ignore products telling you to be thinner, younger, smoother, taller, curvier, big-eyed and pouty. They will never leave you alone and you will never feel good enough. Come to terms with how you really look, and it will be hard for people to shake your confidence.
7. Don't let rejection get you down - It can be horrible, putting yourself in a position of vulnerability and being trodden all over, but try not to let it get to you. Stand up, shake it off, and the most important thing here is that you learn from what went wrong. In most cases, it's not because there's anything wrong with you, it's just that you're not what the Director, boy, girl, etc. was looking for. But don't change for them, soon you will be the person someone is looking for.
8. Use. Your. Words. - Directing this one at relationship issues, but applicable in literally any situation. No one (apart from Derren Brown) can read minds. Are there problems? Talk about them, they will be resolved. Is something going well? Talk about it, so it can be repeated. You just want to have a moan? Your partner will probably be glad to know what's going on in your head, and relieved that it's nothing to do with them. I can't stress this one enough, but I'll give it a go. Use Your Words.
9. Take tissues to chemistry lessons

Of course these are all personal to me, both the problems and the solutions, and things you're struggling with may not correlate with mine at all. But I hope that I have encouraged you to try and think a little more positively about everything.

I think that's probably enough for now. I didn't realise just how much I had to say on this subject until I started writing. I might return to this at some point, but I need to stop for a while. I was only exploring this subject to try and stop myself worrying about my first assignment of the year (due in a week), after all.

Chill out, y'all

Abby